Would anyone be into it if I made some forays into article/interest piece/ranty-type writing territory? Weekly Miniature Internet Rage Essays seems like an acceptable name for what I’m imagining. Or shall I leave you out of them? They won’t all be rage-y I just like the urgency that word implies. Any interest?
Dakarai Molokomme, a 15-year-old starving child from a small village in Zimbabwe, has just told Madonna, one of the most famous pop stars in the world, to go and f*** herself, the local media are reporting exclusively.
“Yes, it’s true, I told Madonna to go f*** herself. Do you want to know why?” Dakarai asked. “It’s the same thing every time with these snobby rich Americans. Every once in a while they come to show us their support for the so-called eradication of poverty by adopting a child from a starving family, but they actually do more harm than good. Transracial international adoptions are part of the white savior industrial complex,” Dakarai explained.
In further discussions with journalists from the media, the kid stated that “none of the children here actually want to be taken away from their family and friends so they can be displayed as some kind of trophy in the homes of self-righteous singers or actors who want to score some points with the media and Oprah.”
“If they really want to help us, they should get Big Pharma to ship us some anti-retroviral drugs for the AIDS epidemic, or build schools and hospitals. If they don’t want to do that, then they can all go f** themselves!” the child told reporters.
The 15-year-old also stated that he would say the same thing to any one of those American or European “faux humanitarian posers”, except for Bono, whom he said he would also kick in the groin.
“Bono’s efforts to save the African savage from itself prove that the colonial imperative is alive and well,” Dakarai said as he walked with other village children collecting sticks to build a tree fort.
THIS IS THE RAWEST 15 YEAR OLD ALIVE
Q:My mom picked me up a copy of A Light in the Attic (Shel Silverstein) today. She got it at a junk store where all the books were free. What do you think it'd feel like to have your book given away for free at a junk store? Is it enough to know that someone saw your book as a treasure (one man's junk is another man's treasure) and flattering to be read by someone no matter how they came about your book? I love buying used books because I want to give them a home when they're being tossed aside.
I would love someone to give my books away free. I’d do it myself but I can’t afford to. Your mum sounds rad.
Q:Mark Twain: Give me a brandy. Bartender: So Charles Dickens came in the other day and ordered a martini. Mark Twain: Did he take an olive or twist? Ha ha ha! Bartender: (tearful) You did that on purpose, didn’t you?
Q:Idk if this is interesting or cool enough but I've read all your books to my ex on the phone while she fell asleep in hopes you could relay all the messy lovely feelings I couldn't and that somehow the words would stick in her subconscious.
This is lovely. DID IT WORK?
Q:Hey, I write some short stories myself and was wondering how you went about getting published and getting your book noticed? I don't know where to start trying tbh, Thanks :)
I self-published because I’m an impatient piece of shit, and nobody really notices them anyway I don’t think. Anyway, Frightful Truths is the only one with short stories in, it’s mostly all poetry I’ve put out in book form - just because I wanted those poems as collections rather than poems on the internet or whatever, and once I had them written I was happy to just get them out there. If Lulu didn’t make self-publishing in print easy and free then I’d probably have printed them off and stapled them and posted them to people myself. So I don’t have a lot of advice to offer. I’ve not started chasing publication yet. That’ll come later and I’ll keep you updated, don’t worry.
At the moment all of my short stories are being sent off to various competitions, hence why I don’t post many here anymore. I’m still writing a lot. It’s going to take a while before I get noticed, I think. Years, at least. I suppose my advice would be: don’t write stories to get noticed, just write whatever stories you wanna write. If they’re good someone’ll notice ‘em anyway. Wanting to be noticed and not being noticed will drive a person mad.
Q:Have you ever seen a HBO show called "Enlightened"? It's a very poetic show: it's moving and funny and intelligent and relatable at the same time. Whenever I read your work it kind of reminds me of that show. Check it out when you get the chance! (or not, I'm not the boss of you)
Q:If a chicken had lips could it whistle?
Finn Andrews is a dork.
Weekday Weekends Committee.
It is because a fellow is more afraid of the trouble he might have than he ever is of the trouble he’s already got. He’ll cling to trouble he’s used to before he’ll risk a change. Yes. A man will talk about how he’d like to escape from living folks. But it’s the dead folks that’ll do him the damage. It’s the dead ones that lay quiet in one place and don’t try to hold him, that he can’t escape from.
Blah blah blah Bread and Honey blah blah book of poems blah.
For everyone who didn’t win the giveaway tonight, here’s the link where you can buy the fucker, if buying the fucker is something you might be into: